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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25684741">Jeraphina for the Soul</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/brin11/pseuds/brin11'>brin11</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>unOrdinary (Webcomic)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Communication, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Reconciliation, Suicidal Thoughts, Trauma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 06:20:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,655</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25684741</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/brin11/pseuds/brin11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of one shots in which I write about what I want to happen between John and Sera or au's with them. Completely self-indulgent, but I appreciate if you take the time to read and enjoy them as much as I enjoyed writing them.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>John Doe &amp; Seraphina (unOrdinary), John Doe/Seraphina (unOrdinary)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>64</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Jeraphina for the Soul</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The first couple chapters will be titled after actual songs, and I highly recommend listening to them while reading bc they give vibes~ that add to the fic. This one is The Reason by Hoobastank, which fits John and Sera's situation surprisingly well. Also this was written before Sera confronted John and is basically what I wish would've happened</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"John."</p><p>He looked up to meet her expectant gaze. Her icy blue eyes bore into him, as if they were searching his mind to find the answers to her questions that he hadn't given her before. He steeled himself enough to keep his eyes on hers. </p><p>Looks like this is gonna turn out to be an interrogation. Great. </p><p>Him and Seraphina were both standing in the kitchenette of her dorm. She had assured him that Elaine would be at the grocery store for a few hours, so they were all alone in a suffocating silence. A judging silence. John knew she would pick and prod at his brain until she was satisfied with the result. </p><p>Seraphina let out a deep sigh before continuing. </p><p>"Care to tell me why you've been lying to me all this time?" He could note the exasperation and hurt laced within her tone. </p><p>John averted his eyes to the side. He could sense the rising anxiety within him; his palms became clammy and his heart rate elevated. He'd been found out. But maybe, just maybe, he thought, he could try to keep up his charade. He couldn't face the cold, hard truth otherwise. </p><p>Acting as normally as he could, he cracked a small smile as he met her gaze once again. </p><p>"What are you talking about?" </p><p>Almost immediately she slammed her hands on the counter that separated them, causing him to jolt in shock. </p><p>"Damn it, John, I know you're Joker! If you continue lying to me then you're only going to lose me." Her eyes burned furiously, her fists clenched on the counter. He knew he couldn't keep lying to her- she would see right through it. But he wasn't ready to show her the truth. He didn't want her to see the real him: violent, vengeful, monstrous. </p><p>He dropped his smile and replaced it with a blank expression. </p><p>"Sera, I already told you I'm not Joker." </p><p>"And I already told you that I know your secret. If you lie to me one more time, I'm kicking you out." </p><p>John hid behind his bangs, trying to come to terms with his reality. <br/>She knows. She knows how much of a monster I am. And if I tell her everything, there's no guarantee that she'll stay. But I might as well try. He mentally cursed at himself. Fuck, this would've been way easier if I'd listened to Dad and told her sooner. </p><p>He returned from his thoughts and set his focus on her. With his voice devoid of emotion, he spoke. </p><p>"Sera...I'm not a good person. I don't deserve forgiveness. And I didn't want you to find out about this side of me."</p><p>Curiously, she tilted her head to see his face behind his bangs. </p><p>"Why?"</p><p>He tilted his head downwards more to obscure his face fully. </p><p>"Because I didn't want you to think I was a monster."  </p><p>Silence filled the tense atmosphere. He fidgeted nervously, awaiting a response. </p><p>With a hint of sadness in her voice, she asked him, "Why would I think that?"</p><p>He momentarily lost touch with reality as he recalled his memories of Claire on that day. How she not only betrayed him, but delivered a blow that he could never truly forget. </p><p>Monster.</p><p>John was terrified that Seraphina would think the same. If she had, he didn't know if he could live with himself. But hearing her now, he felt a wave of relief wash over him. He was apprehensive, but maybe he could finally tell her everything. </p><p>"I only use my ability to hurt others. All I do is hurt. How could I not be?" His voice cracked near the end, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. He didn't know how to handle the emotions washing over him; he hadn't felt this way in so long. Shame, remorse...</p><p>It was as if Seraphina had sensed his fragility. In an instant, she walked around the counter and towards the sofa before sitting down. She patted the spot next to her.</p><p>"Let's sit down."</p><p>Slowly, he joined her, continuing to keep his head low in fear that she might see how glossy his eyes were. </p><p>With a soft voice, she asked, "What all do you want to tell me? Remember, we're still friends. I'm still here for you, just like you were there for me." </p><p>But you've been through so much worse, he thought bitterly. </p><p>"I don't want to burden you. You've already been through enough." He kept his voice as even as he could. </p><p>He could hear her let out a scoff. "I've already been stressed about you. This will help me, too."</p><p>Guilt continued to gnaw at him. He let out a shaky sigh. </p><p>"I guess I'll start from the beginning." He clenched his fists in his lap as a way to gain control of himself once more. Surprisingly, he began to calm down slightly and fight away the tears. </p><p>"Before Wellston, I went to New Bostin High School. I was a tyrant." John sneered in disgust before continuing, clenching his jaw as he admitted his faults in front of her. Damn, this is difficult.</p><p>"I abused my power and everyone beneath me. I even hurt those I called my friends. Eventually, one of said friends gathered half my class to dethrone me. I destroyed them all." His change in tone seemed to surprise Seraphina, but she remained quiet as he continued. </p><p>"I...was expelled then for defying the authorities. They sent me away to..." he trailed off, desperate not to remember that place. But he said he would tell her everything. </p><p>He grimaced. "...a readjustment facility. They made me relive that day over and over again to see how much I'd hurt everyone. It made me afraid to use my powers...and of myself."</p><p>John heard a sharp intake of breath to his side. He glanced over at her to see her glowering at her fists. He was surprised when she spoke up. </p><p>"Sorry to interrupt, but you do realize how messed up that is, right?" She had an edge to her tone. He wasn't quite sure how to respond, so he only gave a slight shrug. </p><p>"...yes?"</p><p>She let out a harsh breath before saying, "continue."</p><p>"Umm...after that I had a really hard time dealing with myself. I couldn't even look in the mirror and see what was looking back at me. It wasn't until my dad tried to reach out to me with unOrdinary that I could finally come to terms with everything: I'm not a good person. I can't use my ability for good like the hero of the book did. But...it gave me hope that others might. I wanted to see a world where people only used their ability to help others instead of the way we are now."</p><p>He spared a quick glance at her, hoping he didn't pick at any wounds with the mention of abilities, and was relieved to see no reaction from her. </p><p>"So I got the courage to try again and enrolled in Wellston, hoping to put everything behind me and live how I wanted, without my ability," He let out a low growl, "but that got ruined when Arlo stepped in." He quickly tried to stash away his anger once he noticed it coming out. </p><p>"That's everything. But to be fair, I wasn't completely lying. I was a cripple for most of my life until high school."</p><p>He could feel the sharp glare from her without even having to look. John let out a sigh, "Sorry". </p><p>From glancing at her, he could see the gears working in her brain through her contemplating eyes. He figured she would need time to digest this. </p><p>"But...I still don't get it. What exactly made you become Joker? It couldn't have only been vengeance."</p><p>Meeting her eyes, he bluntly stated, "You."</p><p>Her reaction was indecipherable. "What?"</p><p>He began to explain. "I didn't mind when it was me being beaten, but I couldn't stand seeing you in the same position. I wanted to keep you safe. And the only way I could do that was to tear down the system that was hurting you."</p><p>Seraphina was speechless. It seemed that she didn't know how to react.</p><p>"But..." she raised an eyebrow. "You do realize that I'm being attacked by fake Jokers now, right?" </p><p>"Maybe, but it's a lot less often than you were being attacked before, right?" </p><p>She made sure her annoyance was clear with a heavy sigh. John was quick to defend himself.</p><p>"I'll iron out everything later." </p><p>She glanced up at him uncertainly. It was clear she was doubtful. </p><p>"Anyways...is that all?"</p><p>He gave a slight nod, returning his gaze to the ground. He awaited her judgment.</p><p>After a minute, she started, taking in a deep breath. "I hope this is the truth?"</p><p>John felt a sting in his chest, but he knew it was warranted. He looked up at her apprehensively. </p><p>"Why would I make up a bunch of stuff that makes me look bad?"</p><p>She sighed in response. "I guess that's true.</p><p>"I...don't know how to process all of this. But...thank you. For telling me everything. It feels nice to actually know you." She gave him a genuine smile that lit up her eyes, and he felt a warmth rush over him. </p><p>"I'm sorry you had to go through all that. It's seriously messed up. But I hope you managed to learn something from it. You should realize that suppressing your ability and who you are will only work for a time before everything blows up. Please...try to be honest with yourself. If not for you, then for me." </p><p>Before he could respond, she leaned over and wrapped her arms around him tightly. He leaned into her embrace, finally letting the tears fall that he'd been holding in for so long. He finally felt at peace.</p>
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